Has this ever happened to you?
It’s Christmas and your extended family members showed up. Cousins you’ve not seen for a whole year started bragging about sight-seeing in Europe, taking cross-country road trips and winning trophies and championships at school.
A little voice deep in your soul murmured, ‘Great! Keep rubbing it on me…How come I ended up with my parents instead of my rich and adventurous uncle? Why wasn’t I as talented, cool, lucky and happy as my cousins are?
This insidious ‘reactionary’ or ‘comparison’ voice is sneaky! It speaks so quietly and quickly you seldom have time to notice how often it dims your self esteem, confidence and achievement drive.After all, according to famous neuroscientists like Dr. Deepak Chopra, an average of 60,000 to 80,000 thoughts run through your brain. How can you keep track!
Worse still, these snippets of ‘I’m not xxx enough, I can’t and I’m too xxx to succeed’ or LIMITING thoughts and feelings are mostly unconscious or ‘subconsciously’. They turn into negative self identity or bind spots that significantly hold you
Acting as an architect of your life, your self beliefs either build you castles of joy and success or dungeons of despair and loss.
Become a Sherlock Holmes of Blind Spots and Limiting Beliefs :
I’m not lucky.
I’m not smart enough.
I’m not good enough.
I’m not attractive enough.
I’m not worthy of love and respect.
I’m going to fail.
I’m not capable of success.
The world is against me.
I’m not safe.
I’m not in control of my life.
I don’t deserve to be happy.
I’m not good enough for my partner.
I’m not a good parent.
I’m not a good employee.
I’m not a good friend.
I’m not a good person.
I’m not successful enough.
I’m not wealthy enough.
I’m not healthy enough.
I’m not happy enough.
How do they show up in your life?
In personal relationships:
You feel insecure and jealous easily. You may be overly critical of your partner. You may have a dysfunctional sex life. You may settle for and stay in highly manipulative, controlling and even emotionally or physically abusive relationships.
In money:
You may be afraid to ask for a raise, start your own business, do bookkeeping regularly, or invest your money responsibly and wisely. You may gamble, accumulate debts or become shopaholic. You may never feel like you earn or save enough. You may blame money for your lack of joy and peace of mind.
In career:
You may feel intimidated or reluctant to pursue your dream job and reach your full potential. You may be afraid to learn new skills, take on big projects, lead teams, go for a promotion, or network with people in your field.
In mental and physical health:
You may be prone to chronic stress, anxiety and depression. You may be easily blue, critical or skeptical of loved ones to sabotage close relationships. Or, you may betray your needs to ‘earn’ love. You may avoid exercise, good sleep and healthy foods. You may overeat, and become addicted to alcohol or drugs.
It may happen to others. Maybe I am not affected!
The impact of dysfunctional or limiting self-beliefs are widely studied and researched. For example:
* A study published in the journal Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin found that people with negative self-beliefs were more likely to experience depression and anxiety.
* A study published in the journal Social Psychological and Personality Science found that people with limiting self-beliefs were less likely to achieve their goals and succeed in their careers.
* A study published in the journal Psychological Science found that people with negative self-beliefs were more likely to engage in unhealthy behaviors, such as overeating and substance abuse.
How to crush and overcome limiting self-beliefs?
Here are a few tips:
* Identify & Acknowledge them – the first step is self-awareness, boost your YODA-level EQ skill. Observe your feelings and body sensations when you do not feel good, inspired and empowered by a thought. Begin to journal daily and record your FEELINGS and THOUGHTS.
* Compassionately Challenge them – ask yourself if there is any evidence to support your limiting self-beliefs. Are they really true? Or are they just thoughts that you’ve been repeating to yourself over and over again?
*Update and Replace them with positive self-beliefs. Just like an old phone or computer system, what has run your ‘program’ no longer serves you. You update the system. So, replace “I’m too old to change my path,” with “I am worthy of growth, support and success.”
* Practice POWER-TALK persistently – talk to yourself like you’re an Olympic coach or Yoda. Be kind, compassionate, and patient.
* Consult with a Coach or Professional – if you’re struggling to overcome your limiting self-beliefs on your own, consider seeking professional help from a mindset coach, therapist or counselor.
